i had my morning coffee with patrick this morning. i guess online can be a good thing. i haven't had morning coffee with him in forever. he's good people. glad he's my friend. i remember once, seth saw a picture of him on his computer. they evidently have the same cameras or something, and seth thought the picture was taken from his camera, and didn't know who patrick was. a good example of how distant i am with my friends, sometimes. they stick right in there and love me, though. i remember thinking that day, no the picture wasn't taken with your camera, but i wish it were. that would mean i'd seen niko (patricks nickname) within the last year. alas... thanks for the morning coffee, boy.

i suffer from "this is the end of my life" syndrome. like, if seth and i haven't fooled around in a few days, i think, "our sex life has ended." i live in tucson, arizona for a couple of months, and "this is how i end up in a desert. i'll never see water again as long as i live." if i have stayed at a job longer than 2 months i think, "yup, i'm going to work at dennys for the rest of my life."

i don't think i need to see, more. i see much. i just need to see further. have trust in somethings, maybe. maybe, i'm talking about faith?

time is what i need, and what the doctor ordered... but i've been terrified of time since i was young. i had a horrifying day when i obsessed about it when i was in my late teens. i was 17 i think, and i thought my life had complelty passed me by. i was depressed for months. now, at 28, i think the same thing... and i have every year since.

sure, i'm getting older. i'm growing up, as it is... but it's not over. at all.

things are still changing. my life didn't ever end. this isn't "2nd best..." this is it. the real thing... me and my little self, need to get going.

"hold on for one more day."