arugggg it's not even 1 yet. ooops, i guess it is. it's one minuite after one.

i woke up this morning, one of those mornings you're like... "waking up, now that sounds dumb..."

i did it anyway - phone messages galore. i accidently blew off aidrian and amy last night. i try and twist and turn this into a positive, as is my right as an imperfect human being. blowing aidrian off, may cool him a bit. (i hope...)

then there was the new prospective landlord, who called everything (seth said he wouldn't... seth who only believes he's always right, and not always is...). so the dude is confused about our landlording refrences; which we bullshitted. we're going to have to be creative to get out (or into) this one.

then there was kevin. he tested negative. *exhale*... alright, until next week when he does the same stupid thing again, everything is fine. or has already probably done something stupid, and has yet to tell me.... but for right now, all is well.

marrage. god. religious fundementals. i've got a whole gaggle of homosexuals, saying that they themselves getting married under god, is a horrible thing.

PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these are the same people who told you you were revolting and no good for a) kissing a boy. b) wanting to kiss a boy c) for not going to bed at your alloted bed time, which wasn't universal, only what they decided was your bedtime.

i wish we could get god to come on down. or some respectable representation, which would be like; "alright peeps.... listen, we've got some big questions out on the table, and i never meant for yall to abhor one another, and more-so yourselves. you're fine, carry on. love is a good thing. you're doing okay."

this means, somewhere down inside me, i feel i'm doing okay. that i am okay. that i'm fine; still. clean; still.

am i forgiving myself?

is my tiny peice of god inside me, finally allowing me to move on with my life?

that'd be nice. i punish myself. i've noticed this latley. i actually do that. something i feel guilty about (if i should or not...) and i punish myself. WTF is that about?

i got days at dennys. i am working my ass off to do my part at the house. i'm being - trying - to be a good boyfriend.

i make myself gag.

i don't have the tolerance to listen to myself right now. i'm aware all is fine. i guess i'll just accept that for right now. it seems good enough.

"...when when when, if at all will you realise, where where where do and done are the same?"