OK....... LET GO AND LET GOD, RIGHT?
i bought 2 things tonight. i bought the nicotene transdermal system patch 21 mg stop smoking aid - step 1. also, i went to my local 7-11 (they all know me there, how sad...) and bought the cheepest pack of cigarettes they had, Gold Coast Menthol Kings. Still, of course, over five dollars a pack, but... i only had 3 cigarettes left in my Camel Crush pack and i knew that tonight i would gorge.
i have vowed to smoke this entire pack of cheap ass menthols before bed. Tomorrow is my Quit Day. i am actually sadly rocking it out on smoking this pack. i've about half left and i've had it for like two hours.
been reading all about triggers and blah and blah and blah-blah online tonight. all the information about quitting that you could possibly imagine (there's a lot. i think most of it is written by real live carebears).
Oh, for my good luck present, Tracy at work gave me a whole container of the Commit Lozengers. They've gone seriously on reduced price (why?). anyway, it was my gift from her. she's been, what do we call this? "Smoke Free" for a week beginning tomorrow. Her aniversery is my beginning.
Yes, i am commited to this. i'm frightened and apprehensive. all of these things are to be expected apparently from all that i've read.
let's see what else do i feel?
like i wont be a poet anymore.
like i wont be cool (yeah, as lame as that is, smoking was kinda my last bad ass thing that i do...)
like i can't do this (but they say i can)
like i'm about to get on the biggest and scariest ride of my life (on this, they say that i am)
but i also feel
like i'm being pro-active
like i'm gonna do this (*gulp*... let's not even start to think i'm being over confident. it's more like when you get on a bike and you're like... i'm gonna do this, and if you actually DO do it, you're like HOLY SHIT!!!! TOO FAST!!!!!! ARUGG!!!... but somehow you don't die.... more like that, is how i feel.)
and also, i feel a bit of nausia from smoking this whole pack.
i'd also like to perhaps improve on my spelling. i tried to do nausia correctly 6 different ways... then i said fuck it.
am i a quitter? is that good?
oh god.
for realz.... let go and let god. tomorrow is day one.
i have vowed to smoke this entire pack of cheap ass menthols before bed. Tomorrow is my Quit Day. i am actually sadly rocking it out on smoking this pack. i've about half left and i've had it for like two hours.
been reading all about triggers and blah and blah and blah-blah online tonight. all the information about quitting that you could possibly imagine (there's a lot. i think most of it is written by real live carebears).
Oh, for my good luck present, Tracy at work gave me a whole container of the Commit Lozengers. They've gone seriously on reduced price (why?). anyway, it was my gift from her. she's been, what do we call this? "Smoke Free" for a week beginning tomorrow. Her aniversery is my beginning.
Yes, i am commited to this. i'm frightened and apprehensive. all of these things are to be expected apparently from all that i've read.
let's see what else do i feel?
like i wont be a poet anymore.
like i wont be cool (yeah, as lame as that is, smoking was kinda my last bad ass thing that i do...)
like i can't do this (but they say i can)
like i'm about to get on the biggest and scariest ride of my life (on this, they say that i am)
but i also feel
like i'm being pro-active
like i'm gonna do this (*gulp*... let's not even start to think i'm being over confident. it's more like when you get on a bike and you're like... i'm gonna do this, and if you actually DO do it, you're like HOLY SHIT!!!! TOO FAST!!!!!! ARUGG!!!... but somehow you don't die.... more like that, is how i feel.)
and also, i feel a bit of nausia from smoking this whole pack.
i'd also like to perhaps improve on my spelling. i tried to do nausia correctly 6 different ways... then i said fuck it.
am i a quitter? is that good?
oh god.
for realz.... let go and let god. tomorrow is day one.
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