9.28.2008

"I CAN BE AN ASSHOLE OF THE GRANDEST KIND..."

sunday morning. backtracking to alanis morissette's last album as i'm having my morning coffee. wondering how she's doing now that the guy who inspired her to cut her hair and wear pink eye shadow has just gotten married to someone else.

as if to show that time does move on, with or without you. that our selves have nothing to do with the passing of time or the intentions or choices of those around us which are tied to us.

it seems as though we've no other option but to try to make rent, and to find acceptable and working outlets for our expressions of all sides of the spectrum of emotions we are feeling and for the things we are going through.

in celebration of this, here is me emoting:

"ACT OF GOD"
(written by myself)

Sitting alone

Imagining pictures on the wall

like an addict

But I am not an addict at all

Acceptance

That nobody will understand

Like I am old

But I am not yet an old man…

Little by little

I watch as you fade

Little by little

It feels more like it’s me who goes away….

It’s going to be a long time

It’s going to be a long way

And I’ll have to be strong

I will have to have faith…

It’s going to take an act of god

To bring me back to me

for it to be what It needs to be

first up…

I am going to have to believe…

Gonna have to believe…

Blinds down

No light gets inside

Like I am blind

But there is nothing wrong with my eyes…

And inch by inch

I back up to the door

Inch by inch

i know this place and I don’t want to know it anymore…

(chorus)

Like I’ve lost my freedom

I throw myself around

Tears wont come, resolutions don’t

Peace is only a distant sound…

Echoing from everyone else

As I fight to get out of my own hell

And you who I thought could help and understand…

Has made me learn to never ask for help again…

And it’s going to be a long time

It’s going to be a long way…

It’s going to be a long time

Why won’t it go away

And I’ll have to be strong

I will have to have faith…

It’s going to take an act of god

To bring me back to me

for it to be what It needs to be

first up…

I am going to have to believe…

How do you believe you can believe

How do you believe?

END © ARRFBC September 20, 2008

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