"so you were in but not entirely.. you were up for this but not totally... you knew how arm's lengthing can maintain doubt..." and so, here goes 2004. almost, but not yet... december begins. christmas approaches. 2005 stares us all in the face, and we know that it is fierce. 2004 showed us everything. after a year like this... we can no longer pretend. now, we know. we have felt it this year. the awesome dream of american opinion, that we are mostly all liars... our american herritage (elections...)... what we have ourselves seen, and heard, and done... and what we've seen our friends do, and say, and feel... we've all begun growing again. we have woken up. and we're thrilled for the next chance.... our illusions, which we still harbor... are lucid. we know them inside and out. and we can only be prepared this time... and not brave and crazy. but, prepared. we drop habits, and begin new ones... we secretly long for the same hands we let go of... but we've awoken. not fully... but we begin. we must see this new year come. we must remember it, and apply our photographic black and white flash backs to it... this will be important. we've promised ourselves a lot. we've sworn to god that we love ourselves again, and we want something. something very big, and very real, and very us. and our love is heightened. is in bold. a spotlight shines upon one thing and we pray... not for god, but for energy. but for faith in our own capabilities... which is where, we're learning, that god lives... where heaven is... that these so-called angels... are us. and it's no longer pretend time. these wings we speak of... need to expand... need to stretch and now fly. say everything, and miss nothing. happy december.