i sometimes wonder if my communication skills are shot? is it just the desire to communicate that is shot? does it dull out after a long while? does the excitement of life fade? when one is old... will they just be old... and death turns out to be a welcome thing... you'd throw a party and be so happy with finally getting the last thing you wanted... after assumingly getting everything else you had wanted.

my home is an interesting place... i think it's full of life. yet, the life feels somewhat sour. old. i dream of leaving it this afternoon... and nothing drastic has happened. just wondering what it would be like to just leave it.

seth is not happy... or he is happy... or he doesn't experience happy. you know that's possible. we just assume that everyone is capable of feeling the emotions that we do. and that it's ungood if they cannot. i wonder were he dressed in pink, engaged in 3somes and screaching for the gods of sodomy... if i'd think that were him happy....

are we being watched? do we want to be? do we like reality programming making an ass out of each of us.... the desire fading in and out like an ecstasy pill to have cameras following us, making an equal ass out of each of us... finding out we would want that? prolly we think that we could do better and not look like such an ass..

if i know one thing.... we are all the same ass.