DAY 96: LITTLE AND HARDLY HERE...

small and sad. new and reborn is only just a begining...

so i can tweet from my phone.... follow me @ http://twitter.com/jamieharalson

DAY 94: LOSS ACHES

i do not wish to be angry any longer. at anyone. it's not working. i will ultimatly be blamed for pushing them away with my anger regardless of their actions.

sometimes... and by sometimes... i mean often; life is way not fair. i think it could feel better to be okay with that. to keep trying and keep striving... but to be okay with the fact that sometimes it's just not going to be fair.

today was the closest i have come in.. apparently... 94 days to smoking a cigarette. i can feel the loss and the ache and the frustration going through my veins, it feels like. it feels as tho the tops of my hands are bubbling underneath.

the funny thing is... so then i shut a door and my last remaining ashtray (for guests)... fell and shattered all over the place.

there will be no cigarette smoked today.

DAY 93: I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL.... OR DO I...

DAY 77: TONTO BASIN

*picture of me in Roosevelt Lake, and a picture of the Roosevelt Lake Bridge left.

jon and i left tucson yesterday morning on what turned out to be a pretty amazing weekend get-a-way. Roosevelt Lake. It's up by Globe (which turned out to be just slightly larger than i i thought the city would be which was cool...). Roosevelt Dam built in something like 1908. Over a hundred years old and part of the CAP (Central Arizona Project); a water distributing/conservation movement begun a while back.

The lake was huge, firstly. It's within the Tonto National Forest, the Tonto Basin. It was cool. We camped at Windy Hill which turned out to be a peninsula which we could walk down to the water on all sides and our tent and site was located right at the far end. Water surrounding us and we had kayaks and we swam. Had a pretty good time! It was so nice to get out of tucson and to be at a REAL lake! One so close to Tucson. A very cool... I guess... discovery. Relaxing (though i really am exhausted...) and unique. Yay!

DAY 76: WE WONT ALWAYS BE ORDINARY...

mr darren hayes for HIS birthday present... gave all of us fans his new album for free!!!! "We Are Smug" is the name of the band. Him and Robert Connelly. It's great. It's a lot of fun. Worth finding it on the web. So cool when one of your favorite artists makes your day on THEIR day.

Something to be said there.


The girl on the cover looks like the kid from "Let the right ones in."






"dear mr administration, i'm still waiting for my confrimation. i hope you'll accept my resignation... from my generation."

DAY 73: DECISIONS.

how do we ever know if any choice that we make in this life is the right one? is it kinda one of those things where only time will tell?? if a couple years pass or whatnot and everything has NOT gone to shit... then it must have been the right choice?

for the last few weeks i've been experiencing some pretty crazy-severe insomnia. like, not being able to fall asleep until almost 6:30 - 7am.. the next day doesn't wait for me to catch up on sleep either. it's get what you can these days.

probably not smoking has something to do with it, but i think moving to maine is probably a pretty big thing that is keeping me up. i haven't really vocalized a whole lot about it. i'm just sort of doing it.

a cross-country road trip alone? with 2 cats? jesus.....

right decision? wrong decision? couple years from now i'll let you know.

DAY 68: REFLECT.

i am absolutely and utterly shocked by the fact that i've lived in arizona for almost 6 years. the information just floors me...

as i am saving up money to move to 17 memory lane... somewhere in the outskirts of portland, maine on july 1... i am thinking back on this all. i know it's all - or most of it all... - is right here in my blog. wether i like it or not... there's so so so many serious changes that i've gone through.

my time in arizona has been both good and bad. it's hard to blog about this because i haven't allowed myself to think very much about this. it's all just been work and work and work and worry about u-hauls, or gas, or tires, or what-EVER.... but thinking back over the last 6 years. i guess i feel foolish, and then smart, and happy and also really sad.

there have been nights that have justified living under stars that are as bright and visible almost every nght of the year out here in the desert.

and then... there have been weeks where just a little rain to wash away all of this shit would be so much more than welcome...

i guess i'm not ready to document the way i feel yet. in the "are you out there" story of my life...

arizona has rendered me speechless when i think of leaving it. i'm so much more than ready to (if just for a while, or a whole lifetime... come what may..)


"it's gonna be alright." - k. clarkson 'save you'