DAY 66: UNDERSTANDING

i guess i own up to moments of depression throughout my life. moments of sensitivity and questioning that dangerously feels like enlightenment but which rarely ever is.

as i get older i find it almost a healthy challenge to get myself back on my right footing once i recognize these paterns or "moments" within myself.

lately, however... the super duper hypersensitive moments have been firstly, kinda damaging and secondly... way WAY out of control.

i don't really think i'm a crazy person and so when there's something wrong with me i kinda wanna find out right??

so i go researching online. what is up with me, and i stumble upon...

and then i google....

and then i google some more...

this hypersensitity, alienation, and depression... all COMMON SIDE EFFECTS of quitting smoking.


ain't that a bitch!

.....guess it's gonna last for a couple of weeks after the last bit of nicotine has drained out of the body... and it's been what... like 10 days now since i quit the patch? wow.

knowing this makes me feel better already.

dignity and patience people.

if you're out there and you're quitting too.... keep researching and keep with it. you can do it!!!

DAY 65 SMOKE FREE "STOP BEING THAT GUY."

why is it so damn hard for some people to apologize? are we to gather from the lack of apology that they just don't really care enough about us to bother?

i for one could think myself into immobile depression over it. guess this is where in life we just let things go. "let go and let god" i guess it is called...

DAY 60. INSOMNIA.

day 60, or day 4. honestly... it depends on if you count my 56 days on the patch or not. i do.. so let's call this day 60.

my body however is going through ridiculous withdrawls all over again. that all is supposed to peak on the 3rd day so since it's now 4am on the 4th day, i hope and i pray that it's almost over...

i have cried.. welled up with tears on the highway into town 2 nights ago. tonight just a general feeling of the whole world is ending...

i do miss sleeping and perhaps i should go get myself some sleep medication. but for right now... i'm dutifully and proudly suffering through the dark pits of hell towards a better and better smelling me.

ugh.

DAY 56: LAST DAY ON THE PATCH

today is day 56 that i quit smoking. i didn't know what my start date actually was so i just counted back. my quit day was February 26, 2009. I guess i might wanna know that someday. Little nervous about going off the patch but i think i'll be ok. i have nicotine gum if it gets crazy but honestly i haven't chewed any of that for a few weeks so i'll probably be just fine... no worries.