ON AND ON... THE BEAT GOES...

it seems that i've woken up at 6:30am with my new madonna deluxe version album ready to download and a whole new day in front of me.

i was starting to get kinda depressed there for a second and while i think madge is still the bombdiggity - i don't think that i owe any of the credits for my uprising in mood to her.

i guess doing things like applying for the student aid (thanks, mom!) and getting closer to finishing my latest essay have something to do with it.

perhaps getting onto a better sleep schedule is what it's all about. actually i think that's true for me.

so... in other news.

in a fit of desperation to escape my home and my english paper last night... i hit the road and took off for the bar. completly sober - perhaps a bit too jacked up on coffee i smacked into the curb with my car on the way into the parking lot.

off flies the hubcap and the most horrible sound ever! i get out to look and the tire is bent and there's kinda a bubble in the tire. afraid that i was going to have a flat... i rushed into the bar for an emergency drink! what else was i to do!

upon returning to the car i saw that my tire was still inflated and still had a bubble. i vowed that i would get a new tire in the morning and was off to seth's house to finish my debate on african children and media manipulation.

...and this morning. it's madonna day, bitches. go out and get "hard." heh.

FAFSA

just finished my FAFSA for my student loans. i'll know in 3 days.

*throws up*

SLIPPING UNDER.

when all our friends can say if we're depressed is that we're crazy... unlovable... no wonder we stay in our houses, and no wonder we second guess our country.

MOVING?

i have had my eye on this apartment complex in the heart of downtown tucson - like, downtown... and by downtown i mean - DOWNTOWN. it's a gated community with a pool. i've actually checked out one of the studio apartments when hannah and elliot first broke up. we were viewing it for her, but i was so interested in looking at the place that i think i enjoyed it a bit more.

it was just a studio and it had a closet (which i was going to expertly turn into a bedroom - but it was maybe like 2 feet too small.

the one bedrooms i have not seen yet, but it's on craigslist for like 50 more than i am paying now. since i pay all of my utilities seperate, i'm actually considering the place again. the location is so top notch for my individual tastes that it's hard not to think about it all the time.

i'm going to go down tomorrow and see if i can get a look at one of the one bedrooms.

updates to follow...

...heading off to the fair to meet up with some friends today.

A FIRE JUST WAITING FOR FUEL

and so i wake up all tangeled up in cats... i somehow manage to make it to the coffee maker. i check the headlines for the day, i drink my coffee... put my finishing touches on my latest bit of homework and i'm off to work.

just another day in paradise.

OPEN LETTER TO THE WORKERS ON MY ROOF:

hey bitches...

i appreciate that you are up there to turn on my swamp (evap) cooler for the summer. i really do. but you've been up there since 7 this morning. it's noon.... does it really take that long!!!

if you need some help, just ask. for reals... what takes you so damn long!

SEX SELLS

So... for my writing class the assignment is about media manipulation. All of the senses that advertisers appeal to to make us feel ungood and unready. Under dressed, and out of style. Too old or too young... i mean, you pick. In the end however... we cave and buy whatever product it is that's going to make us feel good about ourselves again.

Well... i couldn't just pick some hot guy standing half naked with an orgasmic look on his face, and describe how that all was selling a shoe. No... not me.

I've decided to twist this around a bit. I've scanned an add i found in Spin magazine. Yes you can even see my bad rip job and where i've tried to piece it all back together.

Regardless... the ad is for the World Food Program. I am manipulated by the media this time around, not by sex. And not by things that i'm going to buy that are supposed to make me feel good about me but never ever do.... This time i am manipulated by a little boy. he looks a bit angry at me. He looks like he needs help. He's looking a bit like he may be casting blame on me for buying the damn pair of jeans that my ass doesn't really look all that great in anyway. I could have been doing something better with my time and money, couldn't i have?

And so i am spinning this project around in my teachers face. Perhaps not all media manipulation is such a horrible and grotesque thing. Go me!

C'MON BABY DUST OFF AND DANCE...

3 years after the album of the same name, Tiffany featuring Hydra has been released today "Dust off And Dance," the single.

And, hell yeah.

It's not bad advice.

Went to the fair last night, the hell with everyone. It was a great time. I love the fair. Ever since i was a child. It was special to me this year because all of my good memories of leroy were at the annual fair. I kissed my first boy at the fair.

What can i say, i'm trash =) ............to hell with circumstance, dust off and dance.

WHEN EVERYTHING GOES INCREDIBLE AND ALL IS BEAUTIFUL...

madonna leaked. and it's terrific.

RANDOM SATURDAY STUFF

183/210/170 - well.. okay, that's cool! i actually thought i'd missed my window and that my diet wouldn't work anymore and i'd have to deal with 180 something forever but... we are dropping again - yay!

saturday morning coffee. working tonight and then the next 2 days off. i am kinda leaning on the idea of a pretty low-key weekend. we'll see if that actually happens but i've got some homework that needs to get done and my place is kinda a wreck.

not a whole lot to report. i've started doing sit ups (i hate them, and they're tough to do...) and push-ups. kinda adds a lot of pressure to my ear so i have to do them in a pretty severe moderation but, i am doing them.

what else.... madonna's still #1 on US itunes. that's pretty cool. it's been like that for weeks. i've jumped on the miley cyrus band wagon - kinda. ...and i don't really wanna go to work... but i'm going.

ok that about sums it up.

LAST CALL!

met hannah at woody's last night for last call. we were fabulous!

the volume knob for my car-radio went flying off into my car somewhere yesterday on the interstate while i was driving to work. is this a sign?

186/210/160 - whatever. i took a break from me diet for a while, but this is where we stand this morning. so... i did good. i've been back on it for about a week and it's taken that long to kick back in. i have thought about this... and while 160 sounds wonderful. i would consider this a sucess to be 170-something.

hmmm... what else? there must be more dramz going on in my life then this? school is ok. it's a lot more work then you think it is so kiddies - think twice - and think hard....

i want to move. out of tucson? um... i have some good friends here now. i'm defenitly not in this fight alone anymore. but i would like a new apartment. or maybe a new city... i can think about all that later... it's pretty unnecessary to think about it right now i think. i'm pretty sure after multiple trips to phoenix last week that that city is out. while having some cool bars... it didn't really do anything for me.

it was kinda fun driving the freeways though. i've always liked big city driving. intense and high energy.

yeah, ok... that's all i got. much love.

"who are we NOT to be amazing."

EAR

ugh.... i hate hospitals. i think i may be looking facefirst into an ear surgery. i don't even wanna think about it right now. i wish it would just go away.

end depressing rant.

MA-DON-NA

http://www.musicload.de/album/3366052_2/madonna/hard-candy/item.html

okay, click up there to listen to 20 second clips from madonna's new album "hard candy." sounds like it's a-gon be big bitches!

oh yeah, and i dig it when my plants don't die.

FAIR TIME!

the county fair opens on thursday. they're probably setting up right now and everything! everyone makes fun of me coz i love county fairs.

i guess when i was a kid it was always a good time. leroy would have his drink on, and take us kids. i'm sure he was scoring dope or whatever... but who cares. it was fun. always my best memories of him.

i'm sure bad things happened too, but i just don't remember them.

i kissed my first boy at the county fair. perhaps he was feeding on my naivity, but i wouldn't have changed a thing about it. it's still a cool story.

i contemplated running away with the fair for about a week. my mom held an intervention though and put me back on the right track (?).

i imagine the whole running away with the fair thing would not have faired well. i did write a pretty cool song out of it though. it was called "shyloh." all about a girl i met that traveled with the fair (hahahaha).

That song should've been called "Anthony who prefered to be called Tony" ....dawg.

Shyloh sounded better anyway.

my city is hot this spring. it's gonna be a scorcher this summer, for sure!

lakes back home sound nice right about now - and it's only early april!

who are our real friends? is it better to leave things as they are and not ask?

are our 30's really better than our 20's were?

or are we just more able to handle shit now?

"...and if somebody loves you, wont they always love you?"

we'll leave those questions to whitney houston for now.

I KEEP KEEP BLEEDING LOVE

went to phoenix for seth's bday. went to a club that actually had a banging dance floor! it was great. i hadn't danced in forever and we danced all damn night long....

yessir

DRIVE

today i want to stack the books in the corner. load up the ipod and get out in the car and just drive. i think maybe to california. that'd be fun. i'm old enough that it shouldn't be so damn scary to drive to san diego by myself LOL

ahh... alas, but we are all better together, aren't we. my road trip will have to wait a few days... shelly and i are going up to phoenix for a few days. how fun is that! ...actually i've no idea, shelly's there so it'll be fun but i guess i just don't really know phoenix.... i'm excited.

and nervous for the drive - hahaha. i need to maybe get a bit more brave!

TUESDAYS WITH JAKOB

if we're observant enough in our lives... we can look and see exactly when and where and maybe even how we need to change. how certain ideas do not work for us as individuals and we have to tweak and experiment with the ideas to make them bennifit us.

i sit here drinking my black coffee and scrambled eggs with cream cheese with all of my homework, and also my bills surrounding me.

it's overwhelming sometimes.... and then other times.... i don't feel like i'm doing even close to enough in my life to be fullfilled.

dieting, school, work, living. how could things be better? how could i add even more to my plate (i want to). how can i be successful in these years of my life?

or am i?

how can i love better, and give more? and receive less. i've got enough, it seems. my apartment is at this point a bit... cluttered.

are my cats happy? am i? are they?

can we all be happy at the same time?

if not, then why not?

too many, so many questions...

and one little answer. do what you can and keep going.

be better. don't stop.

ignite.