MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND

overwhelmed. a bit down: either you make too much money and you've no freedom what-so-ever... or... you're broke, and you've got all the freedom in the world. i suppose it all runs on a 'as needed' sorta scale.

where do you go to feel good when the world just starts kicking. it's so true that when you have money all of these doors open up for you and all of these rules are all of a sudden bent for you.

but... if the coin turns. there are blockades and all of these 'yes sir' business' that you've given quite a few dollars to... all of a sudden can not work for you. i'm looking for the middle ground, but i'm not sure it's out there.

i've lived both of these lives and neither is very rewarding. having money, don't get me wrong, is comfortable. and people certaintly do change when it's gone.

i have a car payment. i have high insurance. my apartment. electricity, water, gas. i'm lucky. i'm lucky to be typing on my wireless internet out in my private courtyard under the stars. i am lucky.

i just deserve more. isn't that funny. this right here would've been more than good enough. i would've had beers but no furniture and friends, but probably no wifi connection surrounding me.

i'm torn. i know i'm just depressed tonight. that i let things get to me, and that - along with everything else good and bad - is my own fault.

and so think some good thoughts for me, i need them.

i'm going to smoke a cigarette and maybe read a bit before bed. i don't want to be dwelling on this any longer.