had some friends help me move all the stuff this weekend. the cat goes tomorrow when the electricty turns on (finally!!!!) i really like the new apartment. it's really kinda cute.

this is the first picture taken of it. from the living room looking out onto the patio.

i'm staying at the house tonight, so i can have hot water for a shower before work, and heat (arizona is very cold right now. i think it's in the 30's tonite...). and looking at the picture makes me excited to get there tomorrow with electricity and start fixing the place up. my first apartment in a really really long time. i hope the little man loves it!!! i'm excited to show it to him!

tonite, ron, brye and i went to see 40 year old virgin at the 3$ cinema. actually a ridiculously stupid and funny movie. ya'll need to check it out, if you haven't. the ending is absurd!!

other than that, working hard, and at least having some fun!

"FOR MY WORDS" - BY ME.

I am a dream once had by some stoned kid in the 70’s
Some renegade of love, whom I owe my life... or at least a call on Christmas
I am a radio station in summer back in the 80’s...
There is a little girl dancing to it, thinking she will be queen of the world
I am a dust cloud following the wheels of a truck in the 90’s
Some future graduate (time will tell, exactly when graduation is) eyes wide, dick hard
I am a political mess and confused nation of the new millennium
A prayer to god, that soon this all will be over... a prayer moving around like a leaf.

I am us on the floor of your apartment back home
Sharing our hope and our dreams and our plans and our fears and our gods
I am a cross-country road trip full of more hope than it should have
An argument in Oklahoma, over the actual loss of lives of little babies (how dare we)
I am an after hour party in florida, still happening
Too many drugs, and too many boys, and we were just learning how to take care of ourselves
I am a new apartment, without electricity, by candle light waiting...
Ready for whatever comes next, and longing too much to talk to too many people, left behind.

I am love, because I am loved.
And I am truth, because I own one.
I am hope, because I was once anger
And I am song, because I will be sung.
I am you, over coffee thinking about me someday.
I am the thank you, that I give you, because it’s time to move on.

I am the last time we fucked, and the sense that it would be
And the secret desire to sometimes do it again.
I am the sunset that I watched, the night I made my choice.
I am my new lover’s hope in myself.

I’m the dream still, and as stoned as ever
And my heart is swelling to allow for such a beautiful pain
I am the stars, a lover once told me the names of long ago
I am hopeful, and happy, and too alive for once, for my words.
END (c) November 25, 2005 ARRFBC

it's nights like these...

i worked all day. i had decided that for me, this year, it was best to just work a good double at the restuarant, and see if i could make some extra money. let some of the people who had families get the day off...

and so i did. i worked all day long 9am till 8pm.

then, the boy i've been seeing called me and told me to meet him at my new apartment. and i was like "but there's no electricty, or furniture over there yet... " he said it was okay, just meet him there.

and so i did.

and he brought us left-overs from his thanksgiving with his family, and we lit candles and a lantern and ate together. laughed so much... all on my living room floor with only some books and other debree's of my life around us.

thank you ron, for making my thanksgiving special, like we both agree, they should be =)

giving thanks... once & for all.

a day before thanksgiving, and there is much to be greatfull for. this mornings coffee being one of them... this day, however insignificant it may seem, is really not.

it's not only the day before thanksgiving, or wednesday, or the 23rd... it's not only someone out there's birthday, or wedding date, anniversery, or *gasp* death...

today, i get the keys to my new apartment. my own apartment. my own apartment since village of palma ceia in tampa, years ago... before little man was born... it's a one bedroom... has a balcony off of the living room, and another off the bedroom... it's a 6 month lease, with the last month free... giving me about 5 months to really just take it easy, and find out what will happen next in my life.

school starts in january, i'll be taking 2 classes, finally, towards my teaching degree. i know it's a bit shocking that i ended up staying in tucson after the breakup.

it's not exactly how i had planned it, but the bennifits of actually going to school again, and affordable housing... of this merciful calm and okayness that i'm going through right now... turned out to be much more than well worth it to me.

new york will have to wait a little longer. she understands.

moving out of this "situation" that has gone on for far too long subtly and quietly, and most of all peacefully and calmly, is the most assuring way to make sure of it's longevity, and honesty. i am, yes, for all of those of you who have wondered when, finally moving on with my life.

so... my dear readers. sometimes you simply find a way to be satisfied. it's not always what you thought, and the fanfare surrounding it all sometimes is only the happy butterflies in your stomache. but you know what? it can be the best feeling you've ever had, when you look yourself in the mirror and you can know this time, the decision is right!

happy holidays.

"i owe my life to the people that i love." - ani difranco

FLOWN - EDIT.

originally performed and written by former 80's Teen Queen, Tiffany. It's of her new batch of stuff and she has proven to be an incredible talent!!!

also, i just heard a rumor that this song was covered by a singer named Sheridan and used on MTV's Laguna beach... i've never heard it, although Laguna beach is hella addicting...

props to Tiffany. Seriously. Gurl - keep rockin' if you ever read this!


i can't remember when i felt so good
it's been so long i was so misunderstood
and it's strange how i held onto you - when there was nothing left to hold on to
if you'd've open your eyes only once, you would've known...

that this bird has flown long ago - i'm already gone...

it's been a long time coming back to me
and now i'm stronger than i used to be
and i don't need to say goodbye - it's been said and done so many times
and it's never occured to you once, you're all alone...

this bird has flown... long ago - i'm already gone...

and i tried so many times to talk to you
just so many things we've been through
if you'd open your eyes you would know - you're all alone

this bird has flown... long ago - i'm already gone...
i'm already gone...

i'm already gone...
END

...........huge exhale!

WHY I WILL NOT GET A HOMO-HAWK

Ed Grimly, from the 80's. Reason #1 for not getting the new gay hairstyle that everyone else is into.... not a fan! it's so not a go-against-the-grain thing with me. honestly, i have an ipod... but LOOK AT HIM! just LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!!!! honestly, you stupid queers =))) (i'm gay, i probably should mention that?)

CONFESSIONS ON A BLOG

okay, i 1-888-confess this:

OH.... MY.... GOD...... the new madonna album leaked... it's not supposed to be out until november 15. and guess who has the wholeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dangggggggggggggg thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"how high" is the hottest song in the whole wide world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm obsessed!!!!!!

other than that... i totally went out friday night, and had a terrific time!!!!!!!! i'd been in such a strange and dark place for such a long time.

time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!

save the routemasters!

public transpo. is a pretty strange thing. okay, so in big cities... public transpo is cool, and if not cool... then, at least accepted.

in london they fight with all they've got to save the old routemaster double decker buses'... and in london and new york, terrorists target public transpo to get the most ammount of people they can....

imagine them putting a bomb on the tucson, arizona city bus... a) they'd get about 3 people, and b) it'd probably up the public transpo reputation here...

all the while... gas prices sky rocket... and our buses stop at 8 - 10pm. honestly, america... what's wrong with you?