it''s 630am, sunday morning... i am still nursing a multiple bar excursion i took friday evening with shelly, mario, and kimmy.... it all started friday morning at the restaurant. shelly comes over to me, "oh my god!!! that woman is totally nursing her baby at the table in the middle of my station!!!!!" and i turned to her and offered up my news, "table 2 is giving their kid coffee!!!!!!! he's gotta be 4 years old!!!!!!!!" the debate began if any of these things were really wrong? who knew... maybe not wrong, but certaintly NOT right!... and so..
the convo evolved into shelly confiding in me that her therapist-group suggests that she go out and get some shag to help her get over sam. the therapist-group actually suggested this as a means to begin the healing process and move on with her life... she hadn't been with anyone besides sam since they broke up in november.
shelly lives pretty close to me, so we decided we'd walk home together. she wanted me to see her new cat. we stopped at my place first so i could change and get my bank card to make a deposit (the bank is inbetween our houses...) and then off we went to shellys.
we played with kitty, laughed a bit, and then decided to go check out this super cool diner/bar on 4th called Bison Witches (get it! get it! buy sandwhiches... ahhh hahahhahaahaha - whatever...). the place was jive! i loved it, and we both had dirty martini's and nachos. good festive times were being had, and we'd decided we'd go home by 7pm... but then...
Mario calls. he's off of work. he wanted us to go see the new Carmen Electra movie with him. we were like, "uh... no." so he came and met us at the diner. mario is a hillarious tucson born and raised big old homosexual! loud, obnoxious, funny as hell. not afraid of anything. under tacky in the dictionary - his face. you got it right?
kevin - but uneducated.
so - mario wants to go to some joint called "the buffet." he calls it a mixed club... ash used to tell me about how he used to pick up men and women there, so i kinda had an idea of what we were getting ourselves into.... but shelly was on a mission, and i was there to help... and mario was more than happy to come along for the ride....
and so we went.... the buffet is the sleaziest... nastiest... *shiver* ...okay, you know that rest area smell? where you can just smell and it smells like piss and condoms? it had that smell when you walked in... shelly was unimpressed, as would i have been, except that there was graffitti tagged all over the place... the floors the bar, the chairs, the celing.... the walls... everything had graffitti on it!!! i guess i sorta have a graffitti fetish....
i read this book a couple years ago "graffitti art" or something to that effect where-in it had photo's of graffitti done on subway cars and in allys, and was speaking of the beauty and art, and culture of it... and i was like "YES!!! i totally agree!!" and ever since then, i felt justified and backed up for my love of graffitti....
so... anyway - we were there. and it was sleazy, and after a couple drinks we were getting into it... i thru shelly, encouraging her to eye out guys and mario into it, coz it was funny... we were having a blast!! shelly and mario were in a hicky contest. he gave her one, she gave him one.. and then she gave me one!!!!!!! i didn't think it was sooo bad... uh huh... UH HUH!!!!! bitches! evidently at this point in the evening we were bonding and BECOMMING with our nasty/trashy surroundings.... leather motorcycle men, a hooker (for sure!), a bunch of college kids (of course) some ripe homo's (did i meantion that there were college kids?)... and the hicky club. fabulous....
oh but then... for the love of urination... i had to pee.
and so i began the long walk from where our table was to the boys bathroom... the bar was crowded as hell... i get to the bathroom, and graffitti of course, everywhere... and the set up is this: a stall - with no door... and a toilet, and a man sitting on it.
around a corner - not far - is a trough! who the hell thought of men pissing in a trough like a bunch of pigs (a woman? a woman must've done this... a bitter - jaded - woman??? it's sooo gross to me...)... alright. i so digress....
so 2 guys were at the trough deal, and a guy sitting on the toilet. from the moment i walked into the bathroom... the guy on the toilet, really had to go... and he was making loud loud nasty bowl sounds... and taking a SHITTTTTT right there in the bar with no DOOR ON THE STALL!!! and it was LOUDDDDDDDDDD!!!! ....i tried to ignore it... but i'd had drinks... i walked up to the stall, and tried so hard to pee... instead, horrified at myself; i bust out laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the 2 guys next to me start laughing pretty loud too... and i was like, "i'm so sorry!" and ran out of the bathroom...............
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
ah, so then kimmy calls. she just got cut, what are we all doing? the bathroom incident had just occured and so kimmy called in the midst of it, as we were all losing our stuff... she couldn't resist... kimmy's sooo into that nasty boys bathroom humor....
and so kimmy came... and arlo and shelly met (his name isn't arlo.. but he was from new orleans, and sounded just like arlo guthrie)... a photographer who was new in town... sexy, hairy, and a southern accent just like shelly... the accent oddly enough is all but absent in tucson... i was disapointed with this when i first moved down, but then, along came shelly, and now arlo....
soon there after, shelly leaves (her report is that they did the big nasty 8 TIMES!!!!! take that therapist group!!) ... and we go to North, on fourth. drinks and festive joyfullness occures...
and then it's saturday. and it's an hour after i'm supposed to go to work... and i'm near death...
i had slept for about 3.5 hours. i was dead. but i went in... and everyone made endless jokes at me... and my day was one i wish to soon forget....
but now, it is sunday... and i'm on my 2nd cup of coffee, and i still think your bowels should never be let loose in a bar... my hicky is still with us, and i shall try my damnedest yet again to cover my shame and success at shelly's 8 rounder from the world...
ahhh... yes! i had a weekend! finally! and something cool - if not humiliating... to write of....
and so now - on with the day!
the convo evolved into shelly confiding in me that her therapist-group suggests that she go out and get some shag to help her get over sam. the therapist-group actually suggested this as a means to begin the healing process and move on with her life... she hadn't been with anyone besides sam since they broke up in november.
shelly lives pretty close to me, so we decided we'd walk home together. she wanted me to see her new cat. we stopped at my place first so i could change and get my bank card to make a deposit (the bank is inbetween our houses...) and then off we went to shellys.
we played with kitty, laughed a bit, and then decided to go check out this super cool diner/bar on 4th called Bison Witches (get it! get it! buy sandwhiches... ahhh hahahhahaahaha - whatever...). the place was jive! i loved it, and we both had dirty martini's and nachos. good festive times were being had, and we'd decided we'd go home by 7pm... but then...
Mario calls. he's off of work. he wanted us to go see the new Carmen Electra movie with him. we were like, "uh... no." so he came and met us at the diner. mario is a hillarious tucson born and raised big old homosexual! loud, obnoxious, funny as hell. not afraid of anything. under tacky in the dictionary - his face. you got it right?
kevin - but uneducated.
so - mario wants to go to some joint called "the buffet." he calls it a mixed club... ash used to tell me about how he used to pick up men and women there, so i kinda had an idea of what we were getting ourselves into.... but shelly was on a mission, and i was there to help... and mario was more than happy to come along for the ride....
and so we went.... the buffet is the sleaziest... nastiest... *shiver* ...okay, you know that rest area smell? where you can just smell and it smells like piss and condoms? it had that smell when you walked in... shelly was unimpressed, as would i have been, except that there was graffitti tagged all over the place... the floors the bar, the chairs, the celing.... the walls... everything had graffitti on it!!! i guess i sorta have a graffitti fetish....
i read this book a couple years ago "graffitti art" or something to that effect where-in it had photo's of graffitti done on subway cars and in allys, and was speaking of the beauty and art, and culture of it... and i was like "YES!!! i totally agree!!" and ever since then, i felt justified and backed up for my love of graffitti....
so... anyway - we were there. and it was sleazy, and after a couple drinks we were getting into it... i thru shelly, encouraging her to eye out guys and mario into it, coz it was funny... we were having a blast!! shelly and mario were in a hicky contest. he gave her one, she gave him one.. and then she gave me one!!!!!!! i didn't think it was sooo bad... uh huh... UH HUH!!!!! bitches! evidently at this point in the evening we were bonding and BECOMMING with our nasty/trashy surroundings.... leather motorcycle men, a hooker (for sure!), a bunch of college kids (of course) some ripe homo's (did i meantion that there were college kids?)... and the hicky club. fabulous....
oh but then... for the love of urination... i had to pee.
and so i began the long walk from where our table was to the boys bathroom... the bar was crowded as hell... i get to the bathroom, and graffitti of course, everywhere... and the set up is this: a stall - with no door... and a toilet, and a man sitting on it.
around a corner - not far - is a trough! who the hell thought of men pissing in a trough like a bunch of pigs (a woman? a woman must've done this... a bitter - jaded - woman??? it's sooo gross to me...)... alright. i so digress....
so 2 guys were at the trough deal, and a guy sitting on the toilet. from the moment i walked into the bathroom... the guy on the toilet, really had to go... and he was making loud loud nasty bowl sounds... and taking a SHITTTTTT right there in the bar with no DOOR ON THE STALL!!! and it was LOUDDDDDDDDDD!!!! ....i tried to ignore it... but i'd had drinks... i walked up to the stall, and tried so hard to pee... instead, horrified at myself; i bust out laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the 2 guys next to me start laughing pretty loud too... and i was like, "i'm so sorry!" and ran out of the bathroom...............
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
ah, so then kimmy calls. she just got cut, what are we all doing? the bathroom incident had just occured and so kimmy called in the midst of it, as we were all losing our stuff... she couldn't resist... kimmy's sooo into that nasty boys bathroom humor....
and so kimmy came... and arlo and shelly met (his name isn't arlo.. but he was from new orleans, and sounded just like arlo guthrie)... a photographer who was new in town... sexy, hairy, and a southern accent just like shelly... the accent oddly enough is all but absent in tucson... i was disapointed with this when i first moved down, but then, along came shelly, and now arlo....
soon there after, shelly leaves (her report is that they did the big nasty 8 TIMES!!!!! take that therapist group!!) ... and we go to North, on fourth. drinks and festive joyfullness occures...
and then it's saturday. and it's an hour after i'm supposed to go to work... and i'm near death...
i had slept for about 3.5 hours. i was dead. but i went in... and everyone made endless jokes at me... and my day was one i wish to soon forget....
but now, it is sunday... and i'm on my 2nd cup of coffee, and i still think your bowels should never be let loose in a bar... my hicky is still with us, and i shall try my damnedest yet again to cover my shame and success at shelly's 8 rounder from the world...
ahhh... yes! i had a weekend! finally! and something cool - if not humiliating... to write of....
and so now - on with the day!
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