LICENSE PAID OFF!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually paid the last of the tix yesterday. i'm a free man/real boy now!

....rather anti-climatic, but cool none-the-less.

today they're painting the exterior of the house. so, all the vines have been ripped down. it's rather upsetting, but i'm sure they know what they are doing.

i got a big huge map of california that i'm excited to check out. tracie asked to work my saturday. so i have a saturday off. that's exciting. whatever shall i do?? a whole saturday. cool

try to keep the balance up... between love and money....

i was, i guess, i was in highschool. going through a tough time for whatever reason. my mom drove me to my elementary school parking lot. turned up the radio to this song called "x's and o's" which, for all the songs we've shared, will always remind me of my mom most... and we parked the car with the music blaring and played basketball in the middle of the night. why? because i told her nobody had ever taught me how to play. that, my dear readers, is what life is made of.

that's how you fix someone. that's how you love someone, and ensure that you are loved... you must try. you must act.

...i no longer think i'm a house wife. i'm in a relationship, and i live with that person. i'm home more often then he (i like to think because i'm wiser... i work a job that pays more for less hours...), but i'm not a house wife.

i planted a tree today. i suppose technically, i re-located the tree. i re-planted the tree... planted it; close enough.... i don't believe i ever have.

and today, i did.

and that's a moment i'll share with myself. because i tried. it seems like no big deal i'm sure. and i also, have rolled my eyes at the things i do with my yard. but... it's a part of me i believe in.

i'm a believer in green psychology. ...i suppose it could be a bit pagan? ...but i call it the green world. it's watching myself grow through the plants around me. it's giving to them, as they give to me... it's a concentration, and a learning to watch something else. plant really isn't going to entertain me all that much, so it i who has to give IT love. um... i'll explain more later.

my license will be fully paid off tomorrow. on the last day of september. just like i said. and that, makes me happy.

until then... i drink wine and think of everything that is different, and how i am still so fully here. simply only, getting brave enough to try a little bit more.

be well.

friday... i'm trying to change the look of my blog today. all seems to be well.

and then you wake up one day. you're not sure how it happened, but it did. maybe it was one too many babies born in your family (but not to you...), or maybe it was one too many wedding plans... a bill you accidently finally paid off? was it when you realised you had about 40 white t-shirts and you still consider yourself a person who needs to buy white t-shirts... somewhere, in the midst of all this you realise... this is my life.

your fabulous best friend tells you about his mis-adventures with mr. hot-and-we-fooled-around-but-it's-not-going-to-go-anywhere, and his upcomming trip to the big apple.. and you tell him about how you did 3 loads of laundry, hung them out to dry... watered the lawn... over flooded the kitchen sink, accidently, and you haven't gotten any for 4 days... and you both get kinda silent, and look in the mirror to see if you've got bags under your eyes yet.

i mean this is the person you slept in subway cars with, and went to horribly exciting over-the-top parties with... this is the one who told you the man of your dreams WOULD come along some day. a love you could die for, and oh you will..... oh you will.

i don't mean to sound like i'm complaining. i live in a house. i mean, like a house. yknow? not an apartment. but a house. and it has a porch and a patio... it has those 3 little diagnal windows in the front door. if you were to walk by out front, you would imagine a family sitting around a tv playing parchesi, and laughing.. while mother braids her daughters hair. ...ha! in here, you'd see a ripped apart living and dining room that we're trying to re-do... me typing on the computer, the cat begging to be played with (or fed), and mr. right... nowhere to be found (actually he's working 2 jobs... i opt to believe that he is really doing this.. because i couldn't handle any other possibility. too dramatic, and too guiding light.... he's a good guy. a little stiff, but a good guy...).

so this is the life, eh? this is what i was wanting? was i that f*cking boring?!

i've almost fully paid my license off. after what? 7 years of not driving. seems almost funny. this weekend a hurricane over baha surte brought some rain into tucson. it was nice. i do love the rain.

mike, i wanted to say hi. you say i never mention you in here, and i thank you for reading my blog. it means a lot to me. you're a good guy.

been working a lot. not much else going on... jerry and dawns baby was born on the 18th. vaugn fredric... helluva name. congrats.

so much going on! wow... i mentioned on here that jo came down for a visit, and that we were going to las vegas... i didn't say how it was though...

it was fun! seth and i picked jo up at the LV airport that friday, and promptly checked into the mirage. had champaign, caught up; laughed a lot and took a nap. we woke up friday night and went down into the casino. jo and i got stuck on wheel of fortune as seth tried a few moments of his luck on the tables.... complimentary cosmos (on the rocks so they wouldn't spill).... fabulous night. seth and jo won quite respectfully. i didn't do as well, had fun though.

on saturday, we left vegas and went over the hoover dam into arizona on our way to the grand canyon. stayed up there on saturday night, and then drove down though sedona (i love it!), and phoenix into tucson and right on through down to nogales, mexico. i dig mexico. we went a couple of times. monday , again. cheap cigarettes and alcohol... dropped jo at the phoenix airport monday night. tears, and goodbye. jo, i love you. thank you for comming to see me!

the rab/direct loans are evil. i'm trying my damndest to repay my loan so i can be a responsible adult, and they are making it so hard to do. this chick tina is helping me out though. she's a black girl that's funnier than hell, and tough as the 14" neon-painted nails i know she has!

september is the month i choose to be my most productive of the year. my 2nd interview at teletech is comming up rapidly, and i've decided to pay my license off this month. i'm into reinvention without flying off and changing everything.

tonight, i'm hanging out with seth and his work-crew. that'll be odd. saturday night is mario's b-day party. promises to be crazy and amazing. so, bring on laborday weekend. i have monday off, so i believe we're going camping sunday night into monday. beer and hotdogs, maybe? that sounds kinda cute.

another hurricane blowing into florida. mikey, i'm thinking of you. don't get blown away.

"i once swam across a river just to be on the right, and i once said that i was wrong just so that we wouldn't fight.."