THE STARS DON'T EVEN MATTER

feeling of impending doom for like 3 days... i dunno what it's about. all the stuff i have to do this year? fly back home, clear out the house, and bury my mother being one of the top things on my mind that i don't want to do.

i only allow myself to think about all of that a little bit at a time. it's too much. i will stop for a second and say to mom... it's so much less fun and important without you. i miss you!

i got the promotion at work (that i didn't want). so, i guess i'm ok. about it 4 now

"if you're not really here then the stars don't even matter." - s. sparrow

FEBRUARY

i think i had gone like 20 days before i started smoking again. vince and i broke up right after that last post. we're still living together, but i've taken the office and made it into my bedroom. i have a pretty clear future plan that i'm working towards. it's going to take a lot of hard work but when has it not, honestly.

i had a birthday, but who cares. i sure don't. haha. i put myself on the capitol corridor (amtrack) and spent the day in san francisco.

i got a promotion at work, i start tonight with that. i really just wanted to be a waiter, but i guess we go where life leads us, right? (to some extent). then again, perhaps we are our own divine interventions, when we actually finally intervene.

alijah has been my rock throughout all i'm dealing with. mom's passing is affecting me on levels i can't even explain. i am sad, but not actively (usually). a lot more things are petty and unimportant then i ever realized.

chances are important to take, but smart, well-thought out ones. after all it could all be gone tomorrow

'in the blink of an eye everything could change.' - madonna