IN BLOOM

I woke up to the begonias in bloom this morning. A good sign of things to come, I took it as. Work has been trying and sleep has been a luxury. I have a meeting today that I should be getting ready for right now and I will in a minuite. Kevin is asking to see me. I'd rather he admitted himself into detox before exposing myself to anything else negative from him. I am worried about him, and perhaps it's me who is supposed to try once again to help him out. I don't really know what to do. The bloom perhaps is a sign of hope from effort and so, maybe one more try?

My online driving course is completed and I think I'm pretty close to being on the road again. Ha. Anyway, I guess it's time to go get ready. My thoughts and all of my love to those of you out there who I am thinking of. j.

WE GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON...

what is up with 2006. this year has had so many changes. it's not just that i'm 30. so much is happening! good things. not so good things. big things.

i'm currently taking a break from an extensive online driving course i have to take as one of the last steps of getting my licence back. very exciting. actually, that's a lie. the test itself is rather boring. and long. but it's outcome will be excting! another step stepped =)

kevin. whom i brought to arizona to live with me. thought i was in a place where i could create an environment for him where he could relax, get some writing in. earn some money. and grow. be safe.

kevin recreated his life everywhere else he's ever been here. we lost the apartment. he moved in with a boy a lot younger than he who was just another added source for stress in his life. all the while kevin sank deeper and deeper down into a depression.

i fired him last week. i don't feel good about it, but i know it's what i had to do. i know that i wouldn't have been doing my job had i not. he was performing poorly, very poorly at the job. he didn't care about it, and he was disrespecting me.

i haven't heard from him since, and i'm not holding my breath thinking that i will hear from him. he threatened a law suit (a way of thanking me for trying to help him out i think?)... i love him. i do. but maybe it's better this way.

maybe it is. i wish kevin a lot of luck on his way, and i hope things get better for him. i just know now that i can't do it for him. he's on his own. how scary for him. and how exciting!

got my hot h2o turned on finally today. i am ecstatic about this! it's been a helluva time cold showering. i'm a trooper and you gotta do what you gotta do, though, right?

work is fine. all on an upswing. and it's time to start looking for another job that suits my life style now. i've given myself a february goal. we'll see.

NAPPYTIME

monday morning. columbus day. 5:21 am. first coffee of the day. work... eck... i wish work had nappy time. we'd all cuddle up in our corners and say goodnight to each other... look over at each other while we were all sleeping. i think it would be good on lots of levels.

some people i work with, not sure i'd want to wake up and them be right in my face, that's the problem with that.

yesterday, work was like the twilight zone. it was a bit scary. the store was busy, everyone was nasty. one of the cooks started throwing plates and pans around... it was nuts.

so i scooped up jon and shelly after work and took them to the buffet, where i proceeded to get drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrunk. it was a good time, and who knew well-beer and tomato juice was good?!

and so now, at the crack of dawn - before it, actually, i sit. paying for drinking on a work night. all which could have been avoided if we just had nappy time at work.

arugh.