hi everyone.

um, i just want you all to know that i'm okay. i'm still in tucson. seth and i have been broken up... for... i don't even know how long....

i've been doing a lot of reading and thinking, and time spent alone. a lot of songwriting... i've come up with a lot of new perspectives and ideas.

some i've had in the back of my head for a while now... i've chosen to ignore them, because... because i'm not sure why. because i was too interested in someone else to care for myself?

the time that lies before me seems so vast, and endless. i'm not sure what to do with so much time, although, i know there is much to be done. the fear becomes adrenelne for a journey if i concentrate on it enough to change the perspective of something ending...

i've been in denial over the break up for a while... but i'm accepting it. for so long i was angry with someone for putting me through a hell, that now it seems clear, i was putting myself through.

i have asked for forgivness and i have begun to forgive. not just seth... i am opening my hands and letting everyone go. i own my mistakes, and responsibilities... what i have done and what i have done right. and so does everyone else.

regardless.... i want you all to know that i am fine. and taking it slowly. these past few years have not been in vain.... but i want to make sure this cycle stops here. there's too much joy to be lost.

too much life to not live.

i love you all soo much.

"TO ANGELS"

my favorite part of angels
is watchin' folks believe
i know the way it can get sometimes...
all light just sort of leaves...

and there you are
standing
over that damn kitchen sink...
and he's God only know's where...
so you pour yourself a drink...

here's to me and you
and every angel we can find...
here's to who we were
and love, so blind...

and enter him; about ten
o'clock tonight...
you square your jaw and
vow to just play nice...

he's tired again
no sex.
and he rolls away towards the wall
and he's god only know's where...
and you're not there at all...

so... here's to midnight walks
and singing to yourself
here's to anything at all...
that can make you think of something else...

and here's to being strong
learning to be alone...
here's to farytales
and hearts, like stone...

here's to angels
and talking to pets
here's to "scared as hell"
and love, you don't forget

tonight... you say a prayer
not sure where they go...
but they've got to go somewhere
in your heart, you know...

so here's to shooting stars
and moon dreams, and street lamps...
here's to momentum
and never saying, can't...

and here's to cigarettes
and another cup of coffee
here's to time...
and love, like a dream...

here's to me and you
and to every angel we can find...
here's to who we are
and opening our eyes...
END (C) April 2004 ARRFBC

today, the skies were blue, and the air warm. a wind has been blowing quite fierce as of late across the valley. i like it.

possible (ps-bl) adj.
Capable of happening, existing, or being true without contradicting proven facts, laws, or circumstances.
Capable of occurring or being done without offense to character, nature, or custom.
Capable of favorable development; potential: a possible site for the new capital.
Of uncertain likelihood.

new york looms to the east.

my grams illness progresses a stage quite a bit more rapidly then we'd expected.

the phone lies silent...

and i'm a lot more - a lot of things - then i give myself credit for.

so, then.. loom.